Finding Your Groove

Chapter 5 - Mental Preparation

In order to prepare mentally you must precisely identify what you are preparing for. If, for example, you were going to compete in a track meet, you wouldn't just show up and run around the track.

You would know exactly what your event was and your entire training program would be geared to getting you in shape for it. On the day of the race you'd have your favorite shoes ready, and your running suit would be adjusted just right. During the race you'd be continually adjusting your strategy to track conditions and maneuvers by your competition.

The same is true for mental preparation: You need to know precisely what your task is so you can make the proper mental adjustments. Surprisingly, knowing exactly what your task is can be a source of trouble. It's easy to lose sight of what you're doing after a bad day or a couple of errors. Your event can actually lose its identity and turn into something quite different. For example, running the mile can become "the big race" when your school hypes the event. This poses a problem: If your event loses its specific nature, it becomes very difficult to make adjustments and even harder to recognize the results.

Time and again people make adjustments to overcome problems, and then don't see the changes when they happen. They create events so general, so large, that it's difficult to notice the changes when they do happen.

For example, one "off day" can generalize in a player's mind and become "the slump;" or one dropped pass becomes a "bad hands" dilemma; or one bad performance on an exam becomes a problem with taking all tests. Once you place a general label like "slump" on your activity, instead of, "trying to make good contact with the ball," adjustments will seem to have little impact. As long as your problem is the "slump," it will be difficult to find what needs changing.

The most unfortunate time is when you finally make the right adjustment to get yourself back on track, and then discount it because you're still tied up with the general problem. The saddest statements are:

• "I did okay last night, but I still have a problem playing in front of big crowds."
• "That presentation went well, but I still have a problem speaking in front of groups."
• "It was okay that time, but I still have a fear of flying."

These people made the adjustments they needed to, but because the problem had mushroomed into something larger in their minds, they didn't even notice.

The simplest way to stay specific is to state as many details about your event as possible: The time; the day; the place; the people involved; the exact circumstance. You want to paint as precise and vivid a picture of the act as possible. This allows you make precise adjustments, and then recognize the results when they happen.

EXAMPLES:

One way to cut problems back down to normal size is to add details. The details focus you on the present action, and push troublesome concerns out of your mind.

Sometimes, one of the event's details adds to the pressure. The added fact that it's the playoffs, or the regionals, or the annual review, contributes to your difficulty. To cope with this, simply add details to make the event specific. It's much more difficult to get nervous about a list of mundane facts, than an exotic sounding event.

EXAMPLES:

When you pinpoint the details of your event you will be better able to prepare for it, to make adjustments and to see the results when they happen.

ON GOALS

Once you have precisely identified the event you are preparing for, the next step is to set a goal. The secret here is to make your goal something you can strive toward, such as winning the state championship, getting really fit or giving a stirring presentation. Having a concrete goal helps to mobilize all your resources, and it keeps your effort focused.

Unfortunately, there can be a problem anytime your goal is to avoid something - looking foolish, making a mess of the presentation or getting badly beaten - instead of selecting a goal to strive for. Even though avoiding something can focus your energy for a short time, it introduces complications. The main difficulty is that you become tied to the thing you are trying to avoid. Since you are avoiding a particular circumstance, you need to be constantly aware of it, and your action must always be a response to it. All your attention concentrates on something you don't want to happen. The more effort you put into it, the more important the thing you're avoiding becomes. Your natural talent and ability, the true source of your potential, is ignored.

Many people give up their favorite activities because a negative part seems to take over. The more they try to avoid that part, the more it stays with them. One bad experience in an important competition is often enough to take the fun out of the game.

AVOIDANCE GOALS

• To avoid the embarrassment of losing.
• To not lose.
• To lose weight.
• To not make a poor showing.
• To quit smoking.
• To avoid alcohol.
• To not lose money this quarter.
• To not be out of fashion.
• To avoid being a failure.
• To not flunk out.
• To not make a mistake.

Figure 9. Examples of avoidance goals.

If any of these examples sound familiar, you can understand how easy it is to set a goal to avoid something. The difficulty is, even if your avoidance is successful, the very things you are trying to avoid become a focus and a prominent force in your life. It actually makes matters worse in the long run.

So how do you handle goals that seem to be tied to the thing you are trying to avoid? The key to this question is to pick a goal that is incompatible with the thing you wish to avoid, and follow that goal instead. This relieves you of the necessity of avoiding something, which is a poor way to spend your life anyway. All you need to do is follow the incompatible goal.

Selecting an incompatible goal that you can strive for may require you to stand back from the avoidance goal for a while and do some searching. It's really important to surface a goal you can follow. Other times, the selection will be quite simple, and only require a minor translation of your avoidance goal.

AVOIDANCE GOALS -> OPPOSING GOALS

• To avoid the embarrassment of losing. -> To win.
• To lose weight. -> To become healthy.
• To not make a poor showing. -> To do well.
• To quit smoking. To become healthy.
• To avoid alcohol. To have a healthy body.
• To not lose money. -> To make a profit.
• To not be out of fashion.
• To avoid being a failure.
• To be stylish.
• To do well.
• To not flunk out. -> To pass.

Figure 10. Examples of avoidance goals changed to opposing goals.

WEIGHT CONTROL

The standard approaches to weight control and avoiding fattening foods are good examples of how a well intended goal can make the very thing you're trying to avoid a main theme in your life. The more you try to avoid fattening foods, the more you become mentally connected to them.

EXAMPLE:

This example of a gentleman deciding to lose some weight by avoiding certain foods shows how the very thing you're trying to avoid can become a focus. Though his resolve was holding, he is on very shaky ground. Food has become even more of focus in his life than it was before. If his resolve were to weaken even for one day, he stands a good chance of becoming a food addict, and building his life around eating. His dieting probably hurt him more than it helped him.

It isn't always necessary to find an opposing goal. Sometimes any serious interest will do because it can distract you from the thing you are trying to avoid. An alternative approach to the previous gentleman's weight problem illustrates this. When you focus on your genuine interests, they tend to overpower everything else.

EXAMPLE:

Trying to lose weight is an excellent example of how you can refocus on almost any other goal and have it be incompatible with excessive eating. Unfortunately, most reducing programs do exactly the wrong thing and force you to increase your focus on food. (1)

Though the food the diets recommend may be better than what you were eating before, it keeps your attention on food. Food and eating remain a major theme in your life. This mental set-up will eventually drive you to seek food, the exact behavior you started out trying to avoid. In addition, with this frame of mind you end up spending your life giving up things you want to do, a poor way indeed to live.

The weight control issue typifies how a difficulty can become a focus. It is a complex problem because your initial goal, weight loss, is directly tied to the thing you are trying to avoid, and an alternative goal is needed.

As hinted at earlier, sometimes the problems with avoidance goals are simple to correct, all you need to do is change your wording of the goals. To avoid losing becomes: to win. Using the right words is an important part of your mental preparation.

USING THE RIGHT WORDS

The words you use to talk to yourself are important; they can introduce ideas that affect your performance. This can be very deceiving because it doesn't matter what your real message is, the words add their own meaning. Even if your intended message is positive and encouraging, you can be leading yourself into errors with the words you use. Your actions tend to follow the words and ideas in your mind.

For example, it's much better to say, "I'll catch it," than, "I won't drop it." In the first one "catch" is the main word and idea, whereas in the second "drop" is introduced. On the surface the main message is the same in both statements, but the ideas conveyed to the mind are quite different. One is catch, the other is drop. Because the words themselves set up your behavior, it's important to select words that reflect what you want to happen.

EXAMPLE:

Thus a critical part of mental preparation is to fill your mind with the ideas and the words describing the way you want things to happen. If you find yourself using negative words, simply translate them into words that say what you want to have happen.

The following are common translations:

TRANSLATIONS

• Don't be nervous. -> Be calm.
• Don't drop it. -> Catch it.
• Be sure not to trip. -> Walk smoothly.
• Don't throw a ball. Throw a strike.
• Stop making noise. Be quiet.
• Don't move. -> Be still.
• Stop dreaming. -> Pay attention.
• Don't miss the shot. -> Make it.
• Stop interrupting. -> Listen.

Figure 11. Translating negative words into words that say what you want to have happen.

However, negative events do happen and you should be prepared. There will be times when you will drop the ball, or miss the shot. To ignore them is to be less prepared to react to that situation. To think of them in negative terms is to introduce the negative actions into your mind. The key to this problem lies in the words themselves.

To prepare for negative events without setting them up in your mind, you can use positive words to describe the negative event. This means changing "If I miss," to "If I don't make it." The positive words "make it" are used instead of "miss." It's the same message but better words.

Qualifiers like "not" and "don't" are not as readily accepted by the mind and go unnoticed when used with more graphic words.(2) The expression, "If I don't make a clean catch," allows you to prepare for the negative event while keeping the image of making a clean catch foremost in your mind.

TRANSLATING NEGATIVES

• If I forget the speech. -> If it isn't going well.
• If I drop the ball. -> If I don't catch it cleanly.
• When we're losing. -> When they're ahead.
• Things look hopeless. -> It doesn't look good.

Figure 12. Using positive words to describe negative events.

Even when you must deal with negative events, this method is a way to program your mind for what you want to happen.

Your biggest problem in this area will come from people who are trying to offer assistance. Often, the people giving you advice -- and the advice itself may be sound -- are actually programming you with the thing you are trying to avoid. Expressions like, "don't be afraid," and, "this won't hurt," actually lead you into feeling just those things.

If you are giving advice, or are in a teaching position yourself, a good rule to follow is to identify exactly what you want to have happen and to say that as directly as possible. Remember that it's not easy to construct new expressions off the top of the head, and it's perfectly acceptable to work on your comments before you get into the teaching situation. This portion of the game should be as well prepared as the more technical parts.

PAIN CONTROL

This next section presents an in-depth study of a method for pain control. It's a practical introduction to the upcoming techniques for shifting attention, as well as an excellent illustration of how much impact your words have. In sports, injuries don't always happen in convenient places. You may be on a training run on an isolated dirt road when you twist an ankle or get a gash from an unnoticed branch. You may take a bad fall in a remote area, and even though your companions can provide first aid, there may be quite a wait and a healthy distance to be covered before medical help is available. In these situations a basic understanding of pain control techniques can make coping much easier.

There are two major mental pain control techniques: One works by shifting your attention, the other involves changing the words you use to examine your sensation. Though shifting your attention is usually best for serious injury, the wide range of individual pain thresholds means there is no set rule for choosing which one to use. You should use whichever seems to work best at the time.

With both pain control techniques you should remember that pain calls attention to a problem, and it is a warning to prevent you from harming yourself. It should never be ignored. If the pain says stop, then stop; if it says don't move, then don't move. Pain is your body speaking to you; you should listen. However, there may be times when you have gotten the message and just want to turn off the pain. You want to say, "Okay, I won't move, but I can't stand this for the three hours it's going to take the ambulance to get here." Your leg may already be immobilized in a cast, and you just want it to stop hurting so you can get to sleep. This is when you need pain control.

SHIFTING ATTENTION:

The mind cannot think of two things at the same time. If you would like a quick demonstration of this, try thinking of a duck, then a pencil. When you have the duck fully in your mind, there is no pencil; when you have the pencil fully in your mind, there is no duck. You can see them together, but you need to create a new picture to do so, the picture of a duck and pencil. When you think of a duck, that is all there is.

The mind can consciously only dwell on one thing at a time. This ability to do one thing at a time translates into a useful pain control technique: IF YOU DON'T WANT THE DISCOMFORT OF PAIN, THINK OF SOMETHING ELSE.

Two ingredients are necessary for this to work, you must pick something that catches your mind's interest, and you must distract yourself with an intensity that matches your pain. When your attention is successfully distracted, the pain is still there, you just don't notice it.

To catch your mind's attention you have to pick thoughts that truly catch your imagination. Staring at the pale grey wall simply won't do, nor will yesterday's news. Your major concerns are the best source for gaining attention; your children, or last month's vacation might be good topics. Whatever fantasies you can get going will help. Be bold!

With the pain in your leg driving you crazy, it's not the time to be shy, and sexual fantasies usually are a captivating distraction. If you're in a coed group, let that bit of cleavage or hairy chest catch your attention and distract you from the pain. If you are more religiously minded, you may try your favorite prayer, or seek insight into a passage that attracts you. Prayers and pretty nurses (or handsome nurses) may be the best pain control measures hospitals have ever offered. Some emergency room personnel are true artists at helping others shift their attention, making treatment easier and much less traumatic, especially for children.

EXAMPLE:

It's essential that you catch the mind's attention. If you don't, you won't be able to shift away from the pain.

An example of a failure to shift happened in the dentist's office.

There was one clue that wasn't noticed, at least in the right way, that may have led to a successful shift of the little girl's attention. The clue was her crying. The little girl was screaming so lustily that her effort to scream must have occupied at least part of her attention. No one could cry that loudly without putting a great deal of effort into it. Her focus was already shifting from her tooth to her crying, and this is the key. By encouraging the shift to crying, it would have been possible to move her attention further from the tooth, and, as a result, to a less traumatic experience.

The shift could have gone something like this.

Using the little girl's immediate concern with crying to help shift her attention away from the tooth introduces a very useful principle. If you wish to shift your attention, the best place to start is wherever your attention is at the present time.(3)

When the doctor is approaching you holding an immense needle, trying to shift your attention by thinking of a flower or going to the beach is going to be difficult, unless you have been practicing concentration skills on a regular basis. However, if you begin with whatever is catching your attention right at that moment, the shift will be much easier. Focusing on the needle itself and how it looks like the knitting needle your aunt used for making sweaters, would be a good start. Within seconds you could be thoroughly engrossed in one of your childhood adventures. Or it might be that the smell of disinfectant reminds you of your mother-in-law's bathroom. These specific thoughts give you concrete images to distract yourself.

The attention shift doesn't have to be creative or elegant, the most simple shift can be very effective. You can use whatever your attention is on. How one person coped with a child's accident illustrates this.

EXAMPLE:

The father's inability to come up with a seemingly creative distraction resulted in his using the only thing he had to go on, the child looking at the splinter. The child's concern with the splinter itself, even though it didn't seem like an ideal attention catcher, proved to be very effective in the end.

Thus the first step in controlling pain is to shift your attention away from the pain by letting something catch your imagination, and then letting that draw your attention away.

The next step is to get sufficiently distracted to not notice the pain. If you have a scratch on your finger, almost any distraction will be deep enough for you to forget about it. However, if your broken leg was just set, trying to distract yourself with someone's red shirt is probably not going to be enough to separate you from the pain. To be distracted enough to overcome a severe injury takes an extremely concentrated focus, almost a trance state involvement.

This highly concentrated focus is difficult to achieve for any length of time with normal distraction methods. Thinking about yesterday's bowling game will most likely take your mind off your broken leg for only a few seconds. Unfortunately, there is no easy method for learning to focus at this high intensity. Practice is the only answer, and usually you need a good instructor.

Practice means daily work on teaching yourself to become so deeply enthralled with a distraction that it overpowers all other concerns.

This process may sound rare and exotic, but it is quite common and applications exist in most communities. The Lamaze child birth classes are one well-known example. Except for the suggestion, "Practice, practice, practice," the deep concentration methods and severe pain control techniques are beyond the scope of this book. If you are sincerely interested, seeking out a competent instructor is a sound first step. Natural child birth teachers are often a good place to start because their skill at teaching is continually put to the practical test.

CHANGING THE WORDS:

Some injuries, like blisters, Astro Turf burns, and rashes are minor, but can be very annoying. In addition, a low tolerance for discomfort can affect your performance by reducing your training efforts or even removing you from competition. To drop out of a race because of jock itch, or because you got tired, is not exactly the path to glory. One of the simplest ways to overcome the discomforts of minor pain is to change the feeling of discomfort.

Changing the feeling is done by taking the discomfort out of the words you use to describe the experience. To understand this process, you need to understand how the words "pain" and "hurt" work. Whenever you use the words pain and hurt, whether talking to yourself or to others, you introduce the idea of discomfort.

The words "pain" and "hurt" mean discomfort; the words themselves convey discomfort. When you ask, "How much does this hurt?" you are actually introducing the idea of discomfort. If you want a good example of this, come up behind some strangers and say, "This won't hurt," and then touch them gently. Chances are they'll jump, not because of any physical discomfort, but because you introduced the idea of hurt. The words pain and hurt keep discomfort foremost in the mind, exactly what you don't want do to.

The way to avoid discomfort is to describe your feelings with more neutral words. Words like, tingle, prickle, twinge, or even throb are better words, simply because they don't infer discomfort. You may say, "But it still hurts, even when I use other words." That may be true, but if you find other words to describe the sensation, it will feel different.

A simple demonstration may help make this point clear. Roll up both your sleeves, then give your left forearm a good pinch, and see how much it hurts. Next, give your right forearm a similar pinch, but this time describe the sensation in more neutral words. After a moment, compare the results. If there was any difference you are on the right track. Simply by using a different selection of words, you can virtually eliminate minor pain discomfort.

There are a wealth of applications for this technique in sports. Simply changing your words can make your most disliked training bearable, for it lets you bypass the usual feelings of discomfort. Going around the track, your thoughts change from, "This really hurts," to, "My side is throbbing, and my legs feel tight." The two descriptions may sound similar, but the more detailed comments are not as loaded with feelings of discomfort. Viewed from the right perspective, these new "sensations" can be intriguing and even played with. Not only will you be able to improve your workouts, but they will take less conscious effort.

In addition, since the same sensations still exist, but with different words, you aren't risking injury by covering up or ignoring potential warning signs. When dealing with others' minor injuries, you can get them thinking in more neutral terms by asking good questions. Instead of asking, "Does it hurt?" ask, "What does it feel like?" If they persist in answering with, "It hurts," you can help them be more specific with something like, "I know it hurts, but is it a sharp or dull throb?" By staying away from the idea of "hurt," and concentrating on neutral words, you can eliminate an enormous amount of discomfort.

Mental pain control strategies like SHIFTING ATTENTION and CHANGING THE WORDS can change a surprising amount of discomforts into intriguing sensations, or at least minor concerns.

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Notes:

1. Dr. Gabe Mirkin's approach to weight loss is one exception, for he shifts the focus to your metabolism rate. Gabe Mirkin, Getting Thin. (New York: Brown and Little, 1983.)

2. Richard Bandler and John Grinder, Patterns of the Hypnotic Techniques of Milton Erikson, M.D., Vol. 1, (Cupertino, Calif.: Meta Publications, 1975.)

3. Derived from Milton Erikson's work on pacing. Jay Haley, ed., Advanced Techniques of Hypnosis and Therapy. (New York: Grune and Stratton, 19 67.)